Monday, May 28, 2012

The Trouble with Balloons, AGAIN

We see them pretty much every day. We don't really even register them; they float in our periphery. If we do look at them, we think they are pretty. Fun. Festive. "Oh, I should get that one for so-and-so's next whatever-event," we think.

It's kinda funny, because so many articles have been written about them that I hesitated to write yet another. This is a subject I have covered before. But, as we still don't get it, as we still dwell in a lot of ignorance about this, I'll say it again. And again. And again until we finally get it: Balloons are Bad. Let us all repeat after me. Balloons are Bad.

This is one of the hardest messages to get across, for no good reason I can fathom. But, but, but balloons are FUN! Don't take away our FUN! What do you have against FUN?


Not likely. Oh, Irony. U funny. 
Yes, balloons are fun, yes, balloons are pretty. And that's where it ends. Balloons get let go, balloons pop, balloons are short-lived all around. Moments of happiness, and for what? The latex doesn't break down, and neither does Mylar. Balloons kill unsuspecting animals and sea life that eat them. Mylar knocks out power by getting caught in lines. (Look it up, happens ALL the time.) And is it time to talk about Helium? If you can't think around the pollution part of it, if that's not bad enough (it should be), if you (and when I say you I mean the people you talk to about this) need yet another reason to shun this "habit" - and that is all it is, we CAN live without them - then realize that Helium is an element. It sits there on the Periodic Table of the Elements, yes it does, right there in the inert column. Do you know what that means? It means it exists here and we do not make more. What is here is it. When it's gone, it's gone. No more. None. We don't have Helium manufacturing companies. Helium makers won't lose their jobs if we give up balloons. You know where they *need* Helium? MRI's. Yes. Helium is necessary for that basic medical procedure that is sometimes crucial to a diagnosis. Oh but nosiree Bob, I need pretty balloons at little Susie's party. Wait, not Susie anymore. Little Zoey. Zoey will be scarred for life if she doesn't have pretty balloons at her 6th birthday party. She might cry and demand them and I have to say yes to her because otherwise she'll throw a tantrum. And when Zoey's best friend's mom had a party, she had HUNDREDS of balloons. I can't be outdone. And if I don't put balloons on the mailbox, how ever will people know which house? What if no one shows up because I didn't put balloons on the mailbox? I'll be ostracized from popular parents because I am no fun. I'll be known as That Mom Who Didn't Have Balloons. Oh, the horror.

Meanwhile Zoey gets very ill at age 11. But sorry, we depleted the Helium, because when Zoey was 6, you had all those balloons. It was so worth it at the time, wasn't it? You just couldn't NOT have them there. We'd love to help her, but we just don't have the Helium to run this test that would save her life. Sorry.

Scoff now, go ahead, we can say we told you so later. When WE get denied those tests too, because YOU couldn't give up your balloons.

Seems a little silly and selfish when ya think on it like that, dunnit? No? Just me?

Please help me pass the word around. Sure, sure, people look at you like you're crazy and laugh at you behind your back. It's OK, you get used to it. And you get the last laugh. You know, when we're all crying.