Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Suck Til It's Flat?

I kid you not. That's their tag line. Yoplait GoGurt, now in color changing tubes for Despicable Me 2, now in theaters!

You could have already guessed that I am NOT a fan of these things. They leave me kind of speechless. They are the kind of thing I might have wanted to try as a kid, but that my Mom was too smart to waste money on them. (The grammar on that sentence twisted my brain too, sorry.) Little plastic tubes of yuck. May we recycle these tubes? NOPE! Into the ocean they go. Forever and ever, amen.

Kind of gross-looking when you see it that way, huh?

So, yeah, I hate these, but now they have super-fun color-changing tubes for the latest promotion. Dare I even ask what extra chemicals had to be put into the plastic to make them change colors??? Dare I? These things are SO heavily marketed. I'm not sure that they sell so well because of it and they have to keep making new versions and products because they are so popular or if that's to make sure they stay selling... I don't know. I just know these are one of the most irresponsible products out there Of all the plastic shit to get your kids to *suck on.* Seriously. In searching images, I found plenty of pictures from other blogs with children and BABIES happily sucking on these things.

I mean, horrifying, right??? Is it me?

What are we doing???? Can we please STOP already??? Now, I know, I know, we've had Otter Pops and all those frozen plastic tubes of brightly colored high-fructose corn syrup with amazing dyes for decades. Hell, I used to buy them. I know better now. I cringe that I ever did buy those. I'm sorry. But we keep on keeping on with this crap, instead of learning.

And back to the chemicals... WTH makes the plastic change colors? Were these chemicals licked on by kittens? I'm guessing not. Should we think about that for a second? Maybe? I don't know? 

Magical wonderful color changes aside, these things are just plain bad news for the environment and therefore kids. Sure, sure, I am positive they shut the little bugger (NOT the word I wanted to use) up for a few seconds so you can check your Facebook account in relative peace, dreaming of a life where you stopped at 2 kids, but can we please think ahead just a tiny bit? Stop for a moment, and think of a sci-fi future where all these stupid little plastic wrappers rise up out of the landfills an oceans and choke our kids' kids. Cuz that's what happens in my happy brain. Maybe it will someday, thanks to these unknown chemicals. This product is so new, I really couldn't find much about it even on Yoplait's site. I did have to have a chuckle, though... they have a section on their page called, "Tips for feeding your toddler." I didn't click on it, because I guessed that the advice was not "Don't feed them Yoplait in plastic shit." Just a guess. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

Convenient Smoothie, Juice Not Included

In line with the "Are you kidding me" theme of the week... Did you know you can just buy a plastic container with *some* smoothie *stuff* in it, keep it in your freezer, then just add juice and shake when you want a smoothie?

Dole makes "Dole Shakers - fruit & yogurt kit." Yogurt, with pre and probiotics. (I'm working out in my head how these live cultures survive the freezing while staying potent. I guess they hibernate. I'll go with that.)

It's not a packet, a plastic pouch, or an additive of any kind. It's an actual giant-ish plastic THING that you happily discard after one use. ??? Is it me?

I mean, at the very least, if you are in such a hurry, mash up your FRESH fruit before-hand and put it in the freezer and make your own. I'm guessing that is just a little too "not-easy." So, these are healthy and relatively inexpensive. But the waste-plastic is mind-boggling to me! Unless you plan on reusing every single one of these for something else (even possible???) - then there is NO excuse for this kind of waste. Oh, and don't even say, "Well, we thrown them in the recycling bin." We know where that gets you with me. We know the truth.

This is a plain simple, downright, completely irresponsible product. PERIOD. Completely and totally. Just absolutely horrific. They cannot be condoned. This is another one, if you see someone drinking this, feel free to slap it outta their hands then slap them upside the head.

Why, yes, I do practice a lot of restraint when out in public, why do you ask?


Are you kidding me with this?

It's almost enough for me to believe that someone has done an elaborate *punk* on me. Because I cannot really believe this product has come to exist in the world.

Hormel Rev Wraps. "For Those Who Are Hungry." "To Keep You Going Strong." "Real Energy to Do More." Look, I am sure these are perfectly delicious snacks. But even if I felt like looking past the dizzying array of preservatives and GMO soy ingredients, even if I cared to ignore that part, I have to scream about the wasteful packaging. I mean, WHO can't make THIS:


Never mind that you can buy all that stuff separately and make them up in pretty much two seconds flat for a heckuva lot cheaper. Do we really need to have this much "convenience"?? Are we that lazy? Do we have so little time to prepare something for our kids that doesn't come one single serving in a non-recyclable plastic wrapper?? Horrifyingly wrong direction, this. 

I guess all I can do is hope that this product does not remain very popular. I know enough from past experience to not actually expect that, but, eh. Hope springs eternal. You hereby have my permission to smack this thing out of the hand of anyone you see eating one. Really. Just tell the cop that Good Green Witch said it was in the name of Mother Nature. And it's not nice to piss off Mother Nature.

Just so unnecessary. The fact that it would be so easy and so much more economical to buy a bunch of tortillas, meat, and cheese to slap these together yourself...