Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Oh, What the Heck. One More from Dole in Plastic Wastefulness!

I think I picked on Dole before. I can't help it - when I am looking through coupons and I see the word "convenient" screaming up at me, I gotta look at it.

"Mornings just got easier  and even more delicious!"

There was no really great picture to show you the dual-plastic containers. But in searching images, I was treated to just how many Dole products are enshrined in plastic. Yay. They have those shaker smoothies - aha, I knew I picked on them! - and some products called crisps, which seem to be fruit ensconced in plastic with oats or some such in a separate plastic coffin of its own. Then they have just plain fruit in plastic. And they have these. These just-add-hot-water oatmeal with a small plastic sarcophagus of fruit above that you add in after you heat your oatmeal. Amazing company - I really hadn't dreamed of this many ways to trash the planet. They really have it together on that. It's downright admirable!

"Convenient, portable cup." And sugar, and sodium. Look, I know you barely have enough time to properly wipe you ass most mornings, but do you really think these are the best things for you for breakfast? Must you trash MY planet because you can't manage your time properly? Because you can't be bothered to feed yourself the right way? Because you can't just grab an apple instead? Because you can't plan ahead?

I know. Just move along. Nothing to see here. The shareholders of this company really need never worry. Maybe they are privately owned. I don't know. Someone's rich off our laziness, that's all I know. And they aren't going to get poor or go out of business any time soon, no matter how much of a tiny little gnat I continue to be. It's OK. I'm getting used to it.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

While We're On It....

YoCrunch. "Pack some fun in their lunch!"

Fine. It's yogurt. And pure sugar, but oh well, who cares about that. Let's go ahead with these, because, after all, with everything I am talking about, we are running out of stuff to put in kids' lunches. So let's go with these.

Use them for adult snacks and lunches too. And at home, after school. They are very convenient. And fun.

So... one for me, one for the kid, maybe not every day, but OK we have more than one kid and all kids have to have the same lunches or havoc will ensue so let's go ahead and buy three 4-packs to partially get us through the week. They were on sale. We'll go through them in a few days. That's 12 of the bottom part and 12 of the top part. 24 pieces of not-getting-recycled plastic into the landfill, ocean, whatever. From one family. Multiply by millions. Multiply THAT by - we'll be conservative - 2 days a week times 52.

I've done the math. You go ahead. I'll be over here. I'm done.

Monday, October 28, 2013


Olives. They aren't for everyone. They aren't one of the top - oh - FIFTY things you think to put in a lunch box. I love black olives. Love them love them. I have a friend who thought he hated them but when they are around, he can't get enough of them. I open a can and they almost don't make it to their destined salad, because I just pop 'em. Kalamata, not so much. Green - took me awhile, but I'll put about 50 of them in a bloody mary, thank you. No need for dinner then.

All that being said, I really didn't realize there was a need for them to be easy and convenient for snacking.

"e-z peel lid! no liquid!" "Guess what? Olives are a fruit!" "Perfect for the lunchbox!" "Toss one in your purse!" "Fun after school snacking!" "40 calories per cup."

Yeah, there are, like, SEVEN or eight frickin' olives in these stupid plastic cups.

At this point, I start to feel that if you are a regular reader of mine, I need not even go on. BUT... I must.

Is it REALLY so hard to pop open a jar or can of olives and divvy them up into your own reusable containers for a few days of snacking? Do you really have so little time that this is how you have to deliver them to your kids? Is the liquid in the regular jars such a problem? Do we REALLY need these cups to be in our environment? OF COURSE NOT. How many times have I said it? These containers are NOT getting recycled.

They make me tired.

But.. but... Goodie, what about the BPA lining the regular cans? Shouldn't we worry about that? Isn't this better???

Thinking of answering that makes me tired too. I can't go on. Really. The more I look at the ad that inspired this post, the more weary I get. It's not gonna end. We are hopeless.

I'm going to go splurge and clean my mirrors and windows with paper towels. So luxurious. Hey. No one else cares, why should I? I've been pointing out crap like this for 4 years now. I would have hoped to have run out of silliness by now. It's not even slowing down, people.

This one's for you, Tim. I'll send you a case of these.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Fail. You Fail. On Every Level.

If you give these to your children, you fail. On every possible level. As a parent, as a human. There are more levels, I am sure. You fail on all of them.

Just, flat-out, plain big fail.

Where to start? The packaging? The preservatives? The sugar, the sodium??? The lack of real nutrition? The packaging? Oh, I said that already. The packaging? Darn it! I said that!

Woo hoo. TWO candy bars inside. What a deal.

Cheese and ham that doesn't need to be refrigerated? Ick! No preservatives there, I am aure. Hawaiian Punch? Why don't you just give 'em an IV of high fructose corn syrup when they wake up in the morning? The pizza ones are disgusting as well. Oh yum, pizza you don't cook! What a treat! Seriously, I got nauseous looking at the different kinds! And this is just the one brand. There are more. Because they sell. Because people buy them. Stop. Buying. Them.

The excuse for sending these to school for lunch - I can't come up with one. There is nothing anyone can say to make me think this is an appropriate lunch for a growing child. School lunches, as bad as people say they are, have to be better than this. As a snack at home?? FAIL.

We wonder why our kids have health problems and attention deficit issues and weight problems. I don't wonder. It's kind of super obvious. How can their brains develop in health when they are ingesting this crap? A treat? A reward? They like them so you buy them for them because otherwise they pitch a fit? "But my kids like them."


Yeah yeah yeah, it's easy for me to say all this because I don't have kids.

Right. I made a choice because I felt I might not do it right, and I didn't want to risk a human to try that experiment, that would have been selfish. So, the quicker these NEVER sell, the better. The faster they get pulled from all shelves because of lack of sales, the happier we all should be. Of course, they have so many preservatives that they won't go bad before too long, but still. Give them to convicted rapists or convicted child molesters. There. That works. Let their health go to hell because of lazy foods. Convenience.

KIDS are NOT convenient. Surely you knew that before you had them. No? Fail.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Juice Sure is Healthy

Ahhh, juice. So good for us. Quite the market for juice these days. All kinds of healthy juices out there. Detox with juice! Cold pressed, high pressure processed juice, just plain old-fashioned simple juice. Organic! Healthy! Names like Naked Juice, Vital Juice. Juice packaged by the soft drink people who don't want to miss out on the market. And aaallllll of them packaged in.... plastic.

Do a juice fast! And drink OUR product all day long for weeks! Who cares if your health concerns trump the planet? I mean, c'mon! Who cares? You can toss them in the recycle bin and it's ALL GOOD! Will the acid in the juice leach out some weird thing like BPA-but-not-BPA-because-we-don't-do-BPA-anymore-because-we-are-SO-enlightened from the plastic? Who knows! We don't even know what's IN plastic! Hell, we didn't know BPA was in there a few years ago. But that's gone, so we're clear here! Who cares that no one really realizes those caps aren't recyclable? Garbage. They're small, they barely add to the landfills. Truly. YOU are doing good for YOUR health and that is ALL that matters!

Oooo - you could go to Jamba Juice every day! That packaging is just fine too! Think of all the lids and straws you get to use! Oh, you could bring a container but you don't have just the right size and they don't really do that anyway and well that's just too inconvenient, you would have to actually WASH it out and remember it all the time. Bummer. Don't harsh my juicing mellow with your inconveniences, Witch." Sorry.

HPP - high pressure processing - actually required the stuff to go into plastic. YAY! "Our juice is so lovingly prepared and good for you that we HAVE to put it in plastic!" Oh, hey, it's lighter and cheaper to ship, too. Don't forget that. Very important. 

I actually came across a company that only uses glass bottles. DROUGHT Juice refuses to use plastic. Awesome on them.

Why does DROUGHT juice only have a 3-day shelf life? Can I drink my juice past the 72 hour mark?
DROUGHT juice contains no preservatives and is unpasteurized, and therefore is highly perishable.  We employ a cold-pressed juicing process that maximizes the shelf life for up to 3 days (72 hours), but cannot advise consumption of our juice beyond this point.  Each juice is labeled with a 'consume by' date for your convenience.

I would buy THAT juice except what the heck happens with all the unsold product?? Is there a lot of waste in their product line?? They say they limit production and strive for zero-waste, and they are very regional, so it may be believeable. I'd try it.

Look, none of these companies - except maybe DROUGHT - give a crap about your health. They are about profit. Actually, even that one in glass tried to say they are better than juicing at home. Because they cold-press, and your juicer gets ever so slightly warm as it juices. So boo. Oh - and you have to drink yours immediately that you make at home. Uh, yeah. Kind of the point. Save yourself some money, get a juicer, make your own damn juice, and if you have to buy a beverage, get some Kombucha. That's always in glass. STOP being a consumer and do something for yourself. I know it's just not convenient to have to actually MAKE your own juice, and all those thin beautiful women in the juice ads look SO happy and free... with their disposable income and endless supply of juice in their fridge - I know we want to be JUST like them! You know you will be if you just drink the same product!

Make sure you keep buying bottled water too. It'd be a shame to not double down on your plastic usage. You can't do your own juice, why should I think you spend a few seconds avoiding the single-use plastic for your water?

Fasts, cleanses, washes... whatever. These companies want you to drink - what? - 4 or more bottles of their product a day? Effing irresponsible to use that much plastic. For a few weeks? Do us all a favor and stick with your GMO soy processed food diet. And please think twice or three times about procreating. Because if you think it's fine to go ahead and use that much plastic, selfishly, for your little cleanse, then who knows what plastics you will subject the rest of us too with your offspring.

We already know you need things to be convenient, right?

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Dole Makes It Easy

Ahhh, they sure do. Sending fruit to lunch for the kids has never been easier. Just buy and send. What could be easier?

Hmm. I don't know. How about just frickin' buying fruit and freezing it yourself? "But you can't get blueberries fresh all the time." How about that. Maybe go without blueberries if you can't get them at a certain time. You won't die. "But pineapples are really hard to cut." So don't eat them. "But I want them." You can't want them that badly if you can't even be bothered to do the work of cutting them. "But I don't have time to do this for my kids. It's easier to buy this stuff." You don't have time? Then why did you have a kid or three? Shouldn't you have the time to do something properly if you are going to do it? Are you telling me you are doing a half-assed job of raising your kids because you are too busy to do it right? Nice.Tell me I'm wrong, cuz that's what I'm hearing.

By all means, since you do not have time, please continue to consume plastic products, which increase the need for oil production, and keep buying these things for your kids to throw away, because actually they are the ones who will have to deal with the mountain of plastic garbage from their childhoods anyway. They'll only have themselves to blame. It's cool.

Yet another example of a product where we could take a second to think, "Is this really worth the plastic waste created here? Or can I do without it? Is there a better way?" But we don't.

I cannot find out what kind of plastic this is. I'm not inclined to go to a store right now to look, either. Is it #2? 5? If they get thrown away at school, I hardly think they are going in the recycling. So they are going in the garbage. Nice. Hello, Ocean. Bet you thought you had enough plastic already, huh?


Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Mints Work Too

I can't wait for the first time one of these goes through the laundry.

In a long line of "we really don't need that" products, in comes one of the most inane wastes of plastic I have ever seen. And we have seen a lot, haven't we? Scope To Go Mouthwash from our friends over at P&G.

These ridiculous little doohickeys fit in your pocket! "Just bend, snap and swish!" They forgot litter, pollute, and poison. For the car! For the purse! On the go! I'm pretty sure this wasn't a niche that needed to be filled. But they made it, and people will buy. 

Dollars to donuts there is not recycling code on them. Besides, it's REDUCE, reuse, recycle. Reduce as in, don't buy in the first place. I can see the person using this is one of those already using those floss picks, those kind that look like little cheese slicers? If people used these after every meal they had out, or at work, or at school... just think how that would add up. Millions of little waste packages in a month. And if you are that on the go, where do you spit?

I've heard popping a mint helps. Some even come in eco-friendly packaging. 

These are pretty self-speaking, I can't really add anything more to their idiocy. I am sure, however, that I will run into people who JUST LOVE them!!! I'll go hang out at Wal-Mart and watch them buy one of these packages that have 4 in them, and that's all they buy, and get it in a plastic bag. Doubled. Cuz bags are thin. And we need them for garbage. And besides, we take them back to the store cuz they get recycled right???

Uh huh. Yeah. Right.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Nature Box... of Plastic.

You can't have "nature"right in your name when you product is directly harmful to Nature. You just can't. That's my new rule. I say it's a good one. Y'know, make whatever product you want, go ahead, but quit pretending to be all super-uber-healthy and wonderful when all your stuff comes in plastic pouches, containers, whatever.

I get these ads slathered all over my social media for this company, NatureBox. Of course now it will be worse because I searched for them.

Look, I'm sure the snacks are wonderful and healthy and oh so delicious. I'm sure they are... convenient. Whatever. Great. But, look: do NOT pretend to be all Nature-tree-huggy-wonderful when you are basically contributing to plastic garbage. Period. Just stop it. Call yourself healthy, go ahead, but how DARE you use the word "Nature" when you are helping destroy her? How?

I can find nothing on their site that even acknowledges that they have 5 plastic bags in every box. Nothing. No, hey these are #2 bags so you can toss them in the recycle bin (which would be a lie anyway), no, hey these bags are compostable... nothing.

OK. I know. They aren't claiming to be anything but healthy snacks. I get that. They aren't trying to save the world. They feed children in need, for crying out loud! Witch, please, you say. Give 'em a break, you say. What do you want, you ask!

I want them to not blaspheme the name of Nature. That's what I want. Don't even hint at Nature. Quit USING her for your own profit when you obviously don't care that much. Here: you get 1 box a month for $20. 5 bags of stuff most people can probably eat in a few sittings. So, 5 bags each month, 12 months in a year, that's 60 plastic bags per household for just the regular sized box. Now, I'm sure they want hundred and thousands of people ordering this box so they may be a viable, successful company. Say, conservatively, just 1000 people receive these delicious snacks all over the country. I'm no math whiz, but my computer has a calculator. (That's a joke.) (Well, it DOES have a calculator, but I promise I didn't need it.) Imagine if they have all the crazy success they want, and they have, say 10 million customers. Isn't that the goal of a company, to have millions of customers? How many plastic bags is that a year, where do they go, what happens to them?
They end up as garbage, that's what happens to them.

Sell your product, whatever. But do NOT simply gloss over the fact that you are contributing to the downfall of the very thing you use as a namesake. Don't pretend this is the best way for people to get healthy snacks to lose weight. Don't pretend you are making life so easy for people. Don't pretend you are doing Nature a favor. Do not.

Yeah. Plastic bugs me. This is not necessary. This can be avoided. I say do that. Avoid. And think like this when you see such things, please. Let's just all be a little more aware.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I Call Shenanigans

OK, get the brooms out. I call shenanigans. (Google that if you are confused.)

I read an article, well, most of an article, that stated people are more accepting of... well, here: "Climate change threatens the planet — but don't tell anyone. That's one possible takeaway from a new study that found some people were more willing to accept new, environment-saving technologies when they were told that they would save money or energy rather than save the planet."


Really? That's what we've come to? We care so little about where we LIVE? I don't know why I am surprised. I have seen people get super-bent about the fact that incandescent bulbs are being phased out. I witnessed a guy buy every box from a store because "th' gub-mint be forcin' us ta use them cee-eff-ells." Over my dead lampshade! This guy had to be in his 70s. His surviving family members will be fighting over light bulbs left in his will. 

Do we have to trick people into doing good things? Might we upset their sensibilities by speaking the truth? Is doing the right thing for the right thing's sake not appropriate anymore?? It's like the folks who get all up about the trace amounts of mercury in CFLs. People. This is not a problem. "OH SHIT! THE CFL BROKE! CALL A HAZMAT TEAM!" Um, no. There was probably more mercury in the sushi you had last week, you numb-nuts. Sigh... Pay. Attention. Try to discern. THINK.

"I think we've shown the negative consequences of environmental messaging," lead author Dena Gromet told National Geographic. "In particular, you can lose significant portions of people who would otherwise be interested in these products when you use that environmental labeling. So it indicates that different messages can reach different groups." Gromet called environmentally-themed labeling "polarizing" in these cases, as conservative consumers actively avoided the CFL bulbs bearing a "protect the environment" sticker. But their research showed that all consumers accepted the other messages and chose to buy the energy-efficient bulbs as long as the pricing was not different from other options. ( "Shhh... Is the best way to fight climate change to stop talking about it? A new study says the best messages (for some people) are energy efficiency and saving money" -By John Platt Fri, May 03 2013)

What is wrong with us? You may say, "But, Goody, the end justifies the means. Tell them what they want/need to hear to get the message across. You are still getting them to change for the greater good." But I say NAY. The MESSAGE should be good enough as it is. Why do we have to coddle people to get them to do what's right? The PLANET as we know it is ceasing to exist. WE will cease to exist. How is that not good enough to influence your choice of buying a goddam light bulb?

Explain it to me as if I was a child. 

Rant done. Thanks. I needed that. 


Friday, August 9, 2013

The Magic Is Gone

It happens. A product I formerly endorsed has been replaced. Hey, I'm Sagittarius. We are a fickle lot anyway. 

Egyptian Magic really is, always will be a great product. But I found it wasn't hard to jump off its bandwagon. After all, even though I went through it so slowly, it's a little pricey. And I just can't get past that plastic jar packaging. I can't. I reuse them, of course, but maybe other people don't. So when I happened to catch this tiny little product in a weird place in CVS, I kind of jumped at it.

"All Natural. The Petroleum Jelly Alternative." Well, I don't use petroleum jelly - the name alone sends me into paroxysms of horror - PETROLEUM... Eww. No thanks. What have we been slathering on ourselves? And this had a really cute bee on it. I looked closer. A glass jar!!! Cool! Ingredients... Organic Soybean Oil, Natural Beeswax, Vitamin E Oil, Organic Rosemary Oil. Well those all sound great. "Waxelene is the petroleum jelly alternative. NO petroleum. Only natural & organic ingredients. Moisturize, protect, and soothe skin all in one!" So far so good!

I went to research it when I got home. Um... I could NOT remember the name to save my life. I tried to search, no avail. I had to wait til I got to CVS again to look for it. Shoot, where was it? Some obscure area. Not with the other moisturizers. Ugh, it must've taken me 3 trips before I got the name to stick in my head! 

I contacted them. They actually sent a jar right out to me. The price point is around 7 bucks for a 2oz jar. Not bad at all. I would have bought it myself, but if they were going to be nice enough to send... well sure! Now I have been told over and again by a few loud people that I shouldn't be using beeswax moisturizers on my face. Generally I ignore this advice because I'm going on over 2 years now using Egyptian Magic, which is all about bee products. My skin loves it. It might clog pores for some people, but not me. I tried Waxelene, have been using it for over a month now, and I'm sticking with it. Actually, I went on a trip and was without it for 4 days, and THAT'S when I had a little break-out. Trip zits. Now, the only thing that would make me change is if someday I made my own. Don't see that happening all too soon. 

So, wait. Soybean?? Isn't that GMO crap? And where is the bee stuff coming from? I asked. Here's what they replied: 

"We buy only non-GMO organic soy. It costs MUCH more than GMO soy - we pay for quality. We source mostly beeswax from the US, but some of it does come from other countries - there is not enough available in the US that is high enough quality."

I'm down with that. And that rosemary oil... JUST enough for a nice pleasant fragrance. And while I loved the ingredients in Egyptian Magic, I totally love that this one has vitamin E in it. 

They are based in San Rafael, CA. And oh - 100% wind-powered facility.

Yeah. The magic is gone. There's a new bee in my home.

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