Thursday, October 24, 2013

Juice Sure is Healthy

Ahhh, juice. So good for us. Quite the market for juice these days. All kinds of healthy juices out there. Detox with juice! Cold pressed, high pressure processed juice, just plain old-fashioned simple juice. Organic! Healthy! Names like Naked Juice, Vital Juice. Juice packaged by the soft drink people who don't want to miss out on the market. And aaallllll of them packaged in.... plastic.

Do a juice fast! And drink OUR product all day long for weeks! Who cares if your health concerns trump the planet? I mean, c'mon! Who cares? You can toss them in the recycle bin and it's ALL GOOD! Will the acid in the juice leach out some weird thing like BPA-but-not-BPA-because-we-don't-do-BPA-anymore-because-we-are-SO-enlightened from the plastic? Who knows! We don't even know what's IN plastic! Hell, we didn't know BPA was in there a few years ago. But that's gone, so we're clear here! Who cares that no one really realizes those caps aren't recyclable? Garbage. They're small, they barely add to the landfills. Truly. YOU are doing good for YOUR health and that is ALL that matters!

Oooo - you could go to Jamba Juice every day! That packaging is just fine too! Think of all the lids and straws you get to use! Oh, you could bring a container but you don't have just the right size and they don't really do that anyway and well that's just too inconvenient, you would have to actually WASH it out and remember it all the time. Bummer. Don't harsh my juicing mellow with your inconveniences, Witch." Sorry.

HPP - high pressure processing - actually required the stuff to go into plastic. YAY! "Our juice is so lovingly prepared and good for you that we HAVE to put it in plastic!" Oh, hey, it's lighter and cheaper to ship, too. Don't forget that. Very important. 

I actually came across a company that only uses glass bottles. DROUGHT Juice refuses to use plastic. Awesome on them.

Why does DROUGHT juice only have a 3-day shelf life? Can I drink my juice past the 72 hour mark?
DROUGHT juice contains no preservatives and is unpasteurized, and therefore is highly perishable.  We employ a cold-pressed juicing process that maximizes the shelf life for up to 3 days (72 hours), but cannot advise consumption of our juice beyond this point.  Each juice is labeled with a 'consume by' date for your convenience.

I would buy THAT juice except what the heck happens with all the unsold product?? Is there a lot of waste in their product line?? They say they limit production and strive for zero-waste, and they are very regional, so it may be believeable. I'd try it.

Look, none of these companies - except maybe DROUGHT - give a crap about your health. They are about profit. Actually, even that one in glass tried to say they are better than juicing at home. Because they cold-press, and your juicer gets ever so slightly warm as it juices. So boo. Oh - and you have to drink yours immediately that you make at home. Uh, yeah. Kind of the point. Save yourself some money, get a juicer, make your own damn juice, and if you have to buy a beverage, get some Kombucha. That's always in glass. STOP being a consumer and do something for yourself. I know it's just not convenient to have to actually MAKE your own juice, and all those thin beautiful women in the juice ads look SO happy and free... with their disposable income and endless supply of juice in their fridge - I know we want to be JUST like them! You know you will be if you just drink the same product!

Make sure you keep buying bottled water too. It'd be a shame to not double down on your plastic usage. You can't do your own juice, why should I think you spend a few seconds avoiding the single-use plastic for your water?

Fasts, cleanses, washes... whatever. These companies want you to drink - what? - 4 or more bottles of their product a day? Effing irresponsible to use that much plastic. For a few weeks? Do us all a favor and stick with your GMO soy processed food diet. And please think twice or three times about procreating. Because if you think it's fine to go ahead and use that much plastic, selfishly, for your little cleanse, then who knows what plastics you will subject the rest of us too with your offspring.

We already know you need things to be convenient, right?