They Make Banana Slicers.

I'm not kidding. I almost feel like I don't need to say anymore.

But you know me. I shall say more.

A simple Google search on banana slicers, which I did not know existed until a good friend pointed them out to me, yielded not just one but many different types and styles to choose from. Because, you know, your hand and a BUTTER KNIFE just won't do. I have cut a banana into cereal WITH A SPOON so I didn't have to dirty another utensil, for frick's sake. WHO BUYS THESE THINGS??? I can't even imagine.

If you are spending otherwise perfectly good money on a plastic product like this, you need to be removed from the gene pool. Now. You need to stop using air. You need to not use otherwise perfectly good water that the rest of us need, for you to wash this thing. I suppose you wash out something that you only used to measure out water, too. You have your kids use paper or plastic or Styrofoam plates for dinner some days because you don't want them messing up other real plates. I'm just guessing, here. By all means, let me know if I'm wrong. You use lots and lots of single-use plastic bottled water - at home - which is the last place anyone needs it. You leave the water running while you do dishes and brush your teeth. You use a Kleenex to wipe your nose just once then throw it away even though there is plenty more Kleenex to use. You flush bugs. You think those disposable hand towels might be pretty nifty, because life is germy.

Actually, I'm not really sure what you are really like, if you are the kind of person who buys this sort of useless plastic crap thing. I think I'm pretty sure I don't really need to know you.

Please, just don't have kids.

Who the @#*&*$^ Serves Pasta on Paper????

Do YOU serve spaghetti on paper plates? I know I don't. Because THAT would be STUPID. 


Dixie Ultra... "No Soak Through." "Look, mom, no mess, Even with extra sauce." You know what else has no soak-through? Real plates. Who sets their mother-flippin' SUPPER table with all paper/disposable products? Here's the thing: I KNOW there are people that do. I will just never ever ever ever ever understand why. Look: there is NO reason for that. At all. Throw any "reason" at me; I will refute it. 


"Set an attractive table with a full line of coordinating products including plates strong enough for even your heaviest, messiest meals, soft and absorbent napkins and fun, festive cups. All available in a variety of counts." They forgot to mention the plastic forks and spoons and knives. How is a table full of land-fill-fodder an attractive table? Because it has pretty colors on the plates and napkins? 

Can we just get back to Sense? I know it's asking a lot, but really, it is time. Can we get out of this mentality that disposable is OK, because it is not. It is not necessary, it is not OK, it is merely a little convenient, and where has that gotten us? Can we wake up? Will we? Ever? Before it's too late?

This is about more than the stupid enduring paper plates. This is about attitudes toward the world and toward life in general. It's about what we teach our kids. Values. Respect. Respect for the Earth, respect for each other. THAT is sorely lacking in today's society. Is it because we have becomes more concerned about ease and convenience than with actual concern for our surroundings? 

With this pervading attitude, PEOPLE have become disposable. We should all be very, very concerned about that. And we should look around. And we should SEE for a change.  

We Just Don't Get It

No, no, it's my fault, it is, I went and read a magazine AGAIN. My bad. I should know better.

But I expect better from Real Simple. I like this magazine. It usually has sensible stuff in it. So imagine my horror when I saw a blurb under "Moneywise - how to save in May".

For a better bottom line: "Stockpile Paper Goods." (Really? Do we learn nothing??) Here's their big idea: Just before Memorial Day, many stores slash prices by up to 50% on picnic products (paper plates, plastic utensils), says Joanie Demer, a cofounder of thekrazycouponlady.com, a coupon site. Pick up enough supplies now to see you through barbecues and birthdays for the rest of the year.

Sigh. Cofounder? More like confounder. So not only are we encouraging mindless consumerism, we are giving a giant green light to loads and loads of garbage and waste. Plastic utensils??? Are we HEARING anything out there??? Hello? Is this thing on?

It's my fault. I read a magazine. I really just should have left it at the doctor's office and been blissfully ignorant, but no, I had to go and read it. (Oh, hey - did you know that's a cool thing to do? I take magazines given to me by my mom to my doctor's office. It's my OB/GYN and he has a horrid reading selection. Mostly  parenting and baby mags. Um, some of us are there for opposite reasons. I figure people like me need a tiny bit of variety. I even brought in a Fitness just to amuse myself.) Anyway... I'm really kind of horrified that we still have this mentality. It's so last decade. How to save in May and the rest of the YEAR and beyond is to invest in some bamboo plates or some mismatched dishes from a thrift store and use them again and again. Oh, wah, boo, those need washed. Tough. Wash them. You have kids. Stop spoiling them with unspillable snacks and make them clean up something for a change.

Yeah, see? I shouldn't be given magazines. They make me snarky.

Wash a plate, for crying out loud.

I get it, I really do. Cookouts, picnics, that sort of thing... you don't want plates around. I don't agree, but I get it. I would rather see people pick up bamboo plates or palm leaf plates or even plates from the thrift store to use outdoors. But, that aside, what REALLY gets to me, and no excuses here AT ALL, is the use of paper plates IN THE HOME. Chinet ad: "Chinet Casuals. Every day of the week is the perfect day to use them."

REALLY??? What gives with this??? I saw an ad for Dixie Ultra (Georgia-Pacific, haven't picked on them yet) paper plates, and yeah OK for the shots around the BBQ, but in the home? In the kitchen? At the TABLE??? Most of the examples of usage in the commercial were IN the home, AT the dining room table. No. No no no no no no no. No. There is NO reason to use paper plates or Styrofoam plates or toss-away plastic plates in the home. EVER.

Bring on the excuses...
"Kids." Um... more reason to NOT use disposable plates. You know, because of saving the planet for them and such. Afraid they'll break real plates? OK... so? Plates break. Not valid. No time to wash real plates? NOPE. You made the kids, you make the time to steward the planet for them. Anyone who doesn't "have time" to wash plates should not have taken the time to have kids. Kids take time. Deal with it.

"Guests." Bridal shower, party, etc? Like the Chinet brand "Cut Crystal - sophisticated disposable tableware" (their words, not mine). Nope. Command more respect by figuring out how to have a gathering without 50 bags of trash, and show people how it's done. I really don't care if your plates and silver all match. Or again, look into bamboo or palm. Something, anything reusable. Don't want to wash after the grand party? Frickin' build that time into the planning of the party, and GET HELP from someone else doing the planning with you.

"Compostable/recyclable/biodegradable." Nope, nope and nope. I don't believe enough people out there actually compost to make that a viable excuse. If you do, YOU get a pass. And ONLY you. Have at. My hat tips to you. Everyone else, no. Recycling? There's already enough stuff out there that goes in the bins but doesn't actually get recycled. No need to add to it. Biodegrading plates? Nice try, but we all know that when something hits a landfill, it gets covered and never sees enough light or air again to actually biodegrade effectively, if at all. So no.

"Waste of water to wash dishes." NOPE. It takes more water to create the throw-aways than your washing would ever take. Especially if you are being water-conscious in your washing techniques.

Anything else? No? OK... dear readers... I know YOU guys avoid these things, and now you are equipped with all the counter-points you need for everyone else. Sorry. I know you'll stop getting invitations to friends' and neighbors' gatherings. that's OK - you didn't really like them anyway. And that's one less potluck invite to have to lie your way out of. We the Living can have our own wonderful gatherings and show these people how it's done! No paper/plastic/Styrofoam, no 2-liter plastic bottles (cans and glass only!), no paper napkins... let's start a picnic revolution!

Careful, though. You could end up like me. I just don't go anywhere. Hahahhahahaa....