Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Or Just Don't Use Them

For the frickin' almighty love of all things holy, JUST DON'T USE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Now what, Rhonda? I'll tell you what. A cute little article floats by my gmail with the adorable headline, "10 Ways To Upcycle..." Upcycle what? Darn you, gmail, for truncating my subject there! You and LinkedIn have it out for me, don't you? Making me click on you and all... you just love that, don't you? I'm all for a great upcycle, so I'll play your clicky game. You got me again, LinkedIn.

"10 Ways to Upcycle Used K-cups."

Oh, thank you, I was wondering what to do with all those used plastic cups!

Oh, no, wait, I WASN'T! Because I don't use those horrendous offensive pieces of expensive CRAP! (Oh dear, the wind just picked up mightily outside, the Witch better calm down.) 10 ways? TEN WAYS??? Being the easy-going open-minded person that I am. I naturally clicked on it. Amuse me. Tell me what wondrous creation we have in store for these tiny little pieces of plastic waste. "Seed starters," because the hole in the bottom makes for perfect drainage. OK. Not bad. "Paint pots," but of course you have to cover the hole for this one. "Building blocks" or "doll dishes." That's starting to be a stretch. Blocks? I'm not buying that one, actually, the more I think about it. Now you're just giving yourself the excuse to use them. "My kids can play with them! It's OK they are plastic garbage!" Uh huh. "Ice cubes." Hmm... that's going to necessitate plugging the bottom, too. And honestly I cannot really picture anyone going through the time it takes to fill the little guys and line them up on a tray or whatever to freeze them. If you have that kind of time, you should be brewing your own damn coffee, I think. "Gelatin shots." Wait. You're advocating Jell-O shots for the sake of reusing these things? My brain just ground to a halt. Give me a minute. That's almost as likely as watching someone fill them for ice cubes. "Popsicle mold" because they are the perfect serving size. Uh, for whom, exactly? Maybe 5 of them... And don't forget to buy disposable plastic sticks for them , too. "Decorative bells." Yeah, put those up in your multimillion dollar home. They'll look SUPER classy. "Freeze small portions." Another likely one. No time to actually MAKE coffee, but plenty of time to plug the bottom then fill them with your little sauces or whatever. Yep. Anyone else see the incongruities here?

Even if anyone was sociopathic enough to re-use these in every single way described, it would not be enough to keep up with how many are used! Offices that use these... even households... I can't imagine how many are used in an average office on an average day, but even in households, it could be as many as a dozen a week, conservatively thinking. Times 52 weeks? Adding in for parties and company?

Under "seed starter," it is suggested that you fill it with organic soil and one seed. That suggests that somewhere out there, there are eco-minded people who care about organic stuff that use these things regularly. I must live in an alternate reality or something. These things just don't add up in my head. I find no logic here.

Just. Don't. Use them. Ever. Make your own stupid coffee. Because if you have time to do all the upcycle things suggested here, I'm pretty sure you can find time to use a regular coffee maker, or a nice French press.

Sigh.