Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Just So Far Off the Mark...

Don't even ask me how I get on these mailing lists... because I sure as heck don't know.

In the world of Fabulous New Products in my inbox comes WineStraws. Now, mind you, I am ALL down for reusable straws. I find plastic straws to be one of the Great Scourges and Evils of the Modern Times. Just think about how many millions of straws get used a day. It's staggering. So, naturally, I am intrigued by this product. Glass straws are amazing and I am all over that shizz. Therefore... imagine my disappointment and dismay when I go to this particular website.

WineStraws. Drink Red, Smile White. Err... OK. Just another glass straw, but aimed at the red wine community who fears the all-embarrassing wine-stained teeth, right? Wrong!!! Yes it is aimed at the wine-drinking community almost exclusively, but it's not glass. Nope. For some reason, these wonderful things that are designed specifically to the perfect size to deliver the proper amount of wine to your discerning tongue is made from PLASTIC. Not glass, which is kind of natural with red wine, in my mind anyway, but plastic.

But it's OK!! It's recyclable! It's a high-quality BPA-free and EPA-approved plastic! Oh, and you know what else? It's OK if you don't want to reuse them 'cuz, you know why, 'cuz they're recyclable! They "look" and "feel" like glass, but thank goodness they are plastic, 'cuz you know how you get when you're drinking wine, can't be trusted with actual GLASS... even though you are drinking from a glass... so Heaven forbid you try to use a glass straw, too. That'd be like... wearing zebra stripes with a leopard-print. Unheard-of.

And as for the reusing, it's OK! If you are the type who just cannot stand the thought of having to actually WASH the darn thing and prefer a more convenient lifestyle, they say this: "WineStraws are safe to reuse, just rinse them with some warm water. If you prefer not to re-use your WineStraws just toss them into your recycling bin because they are 100% recyclable."

See? If you really cannot be bothered to rinse your straw with warm water, just toss it. Rinsing something with warm water is SUCH a hassle. I know I have better things to do with MY time. Rinsing. Snort. That's so hard and inconvenient. Rinsing.

How about NOT adding any more plastic into the environment for no good reason? And no, wanting to drink wine after you just bleached your teeth does not constitute a "good reason." Get a frickin' glass straw if you are so concerned. Or don't drink red wine. They make white stuff, too, you know.

These were invented by a 30-something mother of two boys who apparently cannot live without her red wine. Good idea, bad execution. She has KIDS, and she blithely irresponsibly and with no regard introduces more plastic into their future. "But it's OK! It's BPA-free and EPA-approved plastic!" You know what ELSE was EPA-approved in the recent past? BPA plastic.

WAKE UP. Plastic isn't safe, it never goes away, and we sure as hell do not need it to drink our red wine. I am all for wine (I'm drinking it now!) and I am ALL for white teeth (your hair would stand on end if I told you the Tale of my Teeth and the money involved...), but can we please Stop Doing It Wrong?