Irony: Using Babies to Sell Plastic?

A good example of irony: using babies to sell a product that is horrifically terribly bad for the environment they get to inherit, and the bodies they have yet to grow into.

I have wanted to say something about this for so long! Luckily for me, this stupid commercial never goes away. Everyone thinks it's so damn cute. It has made the rounds of Facebook so many times, I've lost count. Just when I think it might have gone away, someone posts it again, or I see a bus ad with it. Therefore, I feel within my rights to talk about it. You know the one I'm talking about: the Evian ad with the roller-skating babies. Cute? Creepy? Both? Hilarious? I actually cannot force myself to watch it all the way through. Part of it is of course that I do not find babies cute. Anyone who knows me, knows that about me. Do not hand me a baby. I do not want to hold it. Ever. We've already covered the fact that I have no biological clock. Never had, never wanted, never thought they smelled great, in fact hate the smell of baby powder, find them to be messy and loud and somehow always moist. But I digress. Evian used music entitled, "Think Young". I think the point they are going for (again, not really sure, because I just don't get it, period, anyway) is that their water is so good that you should drink lots of it because it will keep you young. ?? Yes? Is that the point to this?

All I get out of it is: here's the future. Here's who gets to inherit the planet. Here's who has to clean up all the plastic bottles from your stupid bottled water!!!! Here's who has a future with a water supply that is completely compromised and scarce. I know, I know, I think too much, I see insidiousness where there is none, I can't just let go and enjoy, I'm pure evil. Say what you will. If more people thought a little bit beyond OH-CUTE-BABY-hey-something-shiny and actually looked around at consequences, then these adorable little guys and girls would have a chance. Let's follow them through their lives, these little tykes in this video, and see how many of them have cancer by the time they are 20. Harsh? Not hardly enough. I'll stop being harsh when 6-year-olds aren't filling cancer wards. Deal? Deal. Do me a favor, meet me halfway, and next time someone tries to pass this video around again or mentions it, please at least say something like, "Yeah, that's a really ironic commercial." They might ask why. Maybe we can make people think more next time. Maybe?

I bet they're even wearing plastic diapers under there.

Can you call yourself an environmentalist when you...

...eat meat? Use plastic? Drive a regular car? Have more than two kids? Flush every time???

These are the questions that plague me. Maybe I think too much. Scratch that: I KNOW I think too much. That old kids' question game where you give choices like, if you had to, would you rather be blind, or deaf? Oh, blind, please. I can go without seeing the horrors we humans create, but don't leave me alone in this head with all these thoughts. I need music just to drown me out sometimes. I want to hear the birds and the rain and the wind - they help.

I do eat meat. Does that mean I don't care? Of course not. I try to be responsible about it, where I get it from, the farms on which it is raised, etc... I refuse to eat veal (cruel), and I know our days with certain tunas are numbered, so I abstain... we've cut back for sure. Vegans and vegetarians would be at constant odds with us omnivores. But aren't we all working towards the same goal?

The kids thing, though. That really sticks for me. Bear with me; I'm just a little witch trying to figure this whole big world out. I don't have any, myself. My clock never ticked. Maybe that's why I have this big disconnect. It could be. But having a child is the biggest carbon footprint you can make. In my terribly humble opinion, one is great, two is OK, three... STOP. It's... just not necessary. All the plastic diapers and other plastic products that come with a baby? Aren't there enough children already in this world? Can't we just adopt a homeless person instead? That can be just as rewarding! Right? And you can give all that love to one or two, a third or fourth or eighth, well, someone's going to get neglected. Seriously.

Actually, sometimes I feel we just need to stop adding more people until we are better to the people that are already here. And better to the planet. Maybe we should learn some things before we add extra population. Maybe we could learn to live WITH Nature like every other successful species on the planet does. Maybe we need a time-out to learn some things, to learn to HEAR... to listen... before we're allowed to bring more in. You know, the old learn-to-keep-a-plant-alive, then a pet... then...?

We need to slow down. We need to slow down on many fronts, on many things, in many ways. What we think of as progress and moving forward isn't necessarily "better", just because it's new. We need to pause, reflect, look back, slow down, listen. We need to stop for a second.

Let's stop. And think. And breathe.

I am a giant fraud.

Let me tell you why. It's because I am a fake. I am misrepresenting myself. See, here I am, decrying the use of plastic, looking down on people who keep useless plastic in their lives, and yet I have to stand in front of the mirror every day and realize that I AM plastic.

Some years ago, before I became the person I am now, and when I was in a relationship with someone that I could have (should have) know better about, I went and did something terrible to myself. I got plastic surgery. Yes, I walk around with plastic bags of saline in my chest. To the credit of my wonderful doctor, they are actually extremely natural-looking. No one would guess. Of course, that's because I've plumped up to a weight where they could be the right size, thanks to my PRESENT and wonderful relationship (he's a great cook and we love life, and we eat!), so no one really thinks to question me the way they used to when I was a wisp of a size 0-2. ("Are those real?" What a dumb question.) So, yeah, they got me some great tips while bartending. In fact, I passed up a great opportunity in my professional life because Me 'n' the Girls made such a great living for my then-husband.  But that's another story liberally sprinkled with loathing and regret. Now... now... every minute of every day, every time I look down or look in the mirror or go to sleep and re-adjust to get comfortable, I am aware that I am not natural. I am the antithesis of natural. And I did it to myself. And fixing the situation is twice the cost of getting myself into it. (Irony. Or, a really good lesson.) And I don't have that right now. I have to wait. The guy is gone from my life, and I am a different person than I was then, and I like me whole lot better now, but the person from back then still lives here in me too and I can't do anything about it.

So, who am I really to preach? Someone who has learned a lesson the dumb way? The hard way? The idiot way? Someone who has been there and speaks from experience? I'm just me, really. And I'm not asking for sympathy. I can only talk about the way I see things now. I'm just...

Well, I guess you could say I'm just getting it off my chest.

Yeah. Couldn't resist.