Saturday, October 4, 2014

From the Files of the Utterly Ridiculous

Surfing the 'net one day, I felt the need to look at one of those "Cool Things" you-didn't-know-you-needed can't-live-without how-did-we-survive-without or what's-its-nuts. I don't know specifically. Too many of them. Gadgets. OMG moments where you think yes I must have that!!! Or not.

Some of those things are good and just plain cool. Most of them are things we have lived without because we really do not need them. At all. And yes we can live without them. For instance, I bring you in all its I-need-that-now glory ... the One-Click Butter Cutter.

I guess they'll use the butter knife right there to stir the tea?
Back in the Olden Days, when we were less enlightened, used to be a simple butter knife handled this task just fine and dandy. I mean, hello, it has butter right in its name. Plus, looking at this contraption, I am thinking you still need the butter knife anyway to spread the butter. So you can't argue you are saving a utensil from being washed. So let's look into why I must have this piece of plastic crap. From their site:

- Holds and slices Butter with a squeeze
- Safe for children to use! Slices can be cut and dispensed with one or two hands
- Uses less refrigerator shelf space
- Keeps Butter Clean
- Keeps Hands Clean
- Seldom Needs Washing
- Easily cleaned in a dishwasher or in warm water
- Cut slices individually as wanted or cut an entire stick of butter into slices in less than one minute!
- Tastefully replaces the ever-greasy butter dish

Well I'm sold! Wait. No I am not. Safe for children? Because a butter knife is so sharp? I can just see a child getting their hands on one of theses - there would be butter slices all over the table. Perhaps if your child is too delicate to operate a butter knife, they shouldn't be in charge of buttering their own toast anyway. Again, you still have to use the knife unless you are going to sit there until the cold pat maybe melts into part of the rest of the toast. Keeps hands clean? Oh, yeah, I hate when I have to actually hold the butter, it's so messy. Because that happens. Not. I can cut an entire stick in less than one minute? Well now there's something, because I swear it took me an hour to cut that last stick I had. Sign me up! How about that ever-greasy butter dish. Um, why? Don't you ever wash it? I think a pretty ceramic butter dish is worlds more tasteful than cheap plastic, but that's just me.

The site has the following page (this is priceless):
Do you need a Butter Cutter? Of course not.
It’s pure convenience and pleasure.

That’s why they get such good reviews by people who use them.

It’s like having a clothes dryer or hanging your clothes on a Clothes line. You don’t need a clothes dryer but it’s a convenience that people enjoy and use often even though they cost hundreds of dollars and electricity to use!

The Butter Cutters don’t cost hundreds of dollars or require any electricity to use! They do give pleasure and convenience every day they are used. This is why I'm often thanked for having invented them.

"Pure convenience." That screams to me as the number 1 reason to not buy this. Comparing this plastic trifle with a clothes dryer seems a wee bit of a stretch, but that might just be me. They give pleasure? If this is a pleasure-giving device, then some people have really pathetic lives. Just sayin'.

Yes, I overdid it with the dashes here. Get over it.