Monday, February 25, 2013

The Spoon's Included.

I'm sure they're delicious. I'm sure they're wonderful. I'm SO glad we get to experience a fruit that is otherwise a pain in the ass to eat. Completely inconvenient. You know, if it weren't for this wonderful new product, some people would never even get to experience a pomegranate! And that's surely a crime!

Maybe some people just are not meant to eat pomegranates. Yeah, those little messy seeds are really special and tasty and good for you, but maybe if you aren't into dealing with the mess of the fresh fruit, maybe you don't deserve to eat them. But wait... Pom Wonderful has stepped in, so never fear! Pom Poms Fresh Arils are here for you! Their pricey drinks must not have been making quite enough for them, so now for a limited time you can buy your mess in plastic, and then since you are hooked, you can buy their beverages the rest of the year. So healthy! And you know, that company cares lots about you and your health, so they have made it easy and clean and CONVENIENT for you to get your pom on.

Small or large, nice lid so you don't have to eat them all at once (and it's shaped like a real pomegranate! So clever! Cute!), and the SPOON is INCLUDED! Because, you know, grabbing a spoon and having to wash it might render you incapable of eating this product. Here's a great review from their site: "So glad I found these! I have always loved eating pomegranates, but hate the hassle and the stain that the inner skin leaves on your hands is annoying. I found these in my local HEB store and bought them. I am RUNNING back to get more. They are a perfect snack while working at the office and they won't break your calorie goals for the day!" 

Well, THANK GOODNESS you don't have to stain your poor little hands anymore. And THANK YOU for running out and buying more of these so that YOU can put more plastic into our oceans. Thank you so much for being so clueless that you have to put more trash into the place that we all share.

I knew a person, saw her every day. She never read my blog. I could tell, because every silly product I wrote about inevitable showed up in her house when she discovered them on her own. I would bet my first-born's life she has these in her fridge. (Hahah, I don't have any kids. But still. This product IS in her fridge. I just know it.)

Bottom line: Don't freakin' eat these. If you can't deal with the "mess" of the real fruit, do the rest of us and the planet and all the life in the sea a favor and Just. Skip. It. I'm sure you'll survive. But we won't. And that cancer and whatever else is going to happen to us because of all the chemicals leached into the world from the plastic from the spoon that isn't getting recycled because you just had to have your stupid seeds... won't matter you ate pomegranates for your health. You're screwed and thank you for bringing the rest of us down with you. Thank you. I'm so appreciative of your selfish lifestyle and your need to put this garbage in my world. I can only hope they are too pricey and they won't sell well enough to come back next year, but then realize all the product that doesn't sell, just expires... where does that go?