Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Get 'em started young...

You may think I am going to talk about getting children on the green path. Would that I were. I'm actually going to point out several companies that would have your child happily getting hooked on single-use bottles right out of the crib. I can hardly think of anything more irresponsible, and rather than discuss them all in one posting, I'm going to give each of them the full attention and criticism they deserve. Yes, thank you, thank you, hold the applause. Haha!

First on my list: a little product/company called Nourish. They make bottled water for babies and toddlers. Oh, goody. My cauldron is already bubbling over! Here's their tagline: "We nourish our most precious resources. Our children, our time, our health, our world." Um. Please tell me how encouraging the use of "recyclable" disposable bottles nourishes our health or our world?? We've been over the recycle thing and we KNOW, we know, we know that a very small percentage of these bottles actually GET recycled. So, what... just keep using them and hope someday that will change? I think not.

But I digress. Let's get a little more into this product. First, we can buy "nourish baby". "Clean Water. Clean Bottle. Happy Baby." OK. Let us read on, shall we? "Just add formula, shake, serve, and recycle." Oh, here we go again with the recycle thing. I won't insult your intelligence by re-hashing it yet again. What this is, is a "recyclable" BPA-free bottle, filled with enough "spring" water to mix in formula, "specially designed to make feeding in a pinch a total cinch." Cinch? Since when does that word EVER apply to babies? If having a baby was a "cinch" - oh never mind on that one. They say, "No more washing out dirty bottles in public restrooms. No more stopping at fast food restaurants to ask for water." I never actually HAD a kid, so... maybe I don't know what it takes to juggle a kid and some sort of social life where I NEED to be out shopping instead of keeping my baby on a regular schedule (I seemed to hear once that that was important in raising a child, but I guess I'm wrong?), but this all seems a little TOO... too... uh... steeped in CONVENIENCE for me. Again, I could be way off. You know, I've always felt that if you can't change YOUR life around having a child, then maybe you shouldn't have one. Children require sacrifice. I'm sorry if that doesn't revolve around your idea of needing to be at Starbucks and interrupting your baby's nap time for your "needs", but I'm pretty sure our moms raised us JUST fine without the NEED to have to dash into a McDonald's to beg for water. I'm pretty sure they planned a little better than that. All this product says to me is, Go ahead, do what you need to do, don't put your baby's needs first, we make it convenient for you to do whatever you please. Actual mothers can tell me I'm incorrect, but if you have babies on a set feeding schedule and plan ahead a little for it, you don't need to be washing bottles in a gas-station hole-in-the-wall toilet.

Yeah yeah yeah. I know. It's just that this product, this company, seems to feed into the mind-set of this generation: it's OK, don't worry about it now, let's just make everything as easy as possible. Why should you be inconvenienced or have to work at anything? Here. Have this bottle, then throw it away. Oh, and don't forget the plastic forks and spoons and throw-away plates for the toddler years!

On to "nourish toddler". "Perfect for declarations of MINE." Oh good. Let's already abandon any hope of teaching our children to share, and let's start early. THAT point aside... "There's a better way to quench your toddler's thirst." Really? A 10oz single-use bottle of "spring" water is the better way? In what world? (Oh, yeah, in the "convenient" world. I forgot. Sorry.) "So long, sippy-cup power struggles." Uh huh. Good. I can't really see anything special or remarkable or novel about this product. It's bottled water, in a smaller bottle, with a lot more plastic on the sippy-lid. Yay.

This product line is all based on the (correct?) assumption that parents cannot control their children, that children rule the world of the adults and adults must bend to the whim of children's desires. What happened to being told "NO"? Here's the rest of their pitch: "Pleasing thirsty, hungry little ones on the go can be stressful. [??? So don't be on the go so much?] There's the juggling, the grabbing, the bargaining - and the spilling. Been there. Done that." I see. Instead of teaching children manners, and sharing, and to LISTEN, we just bend over to whatever, because it's EASIER, and pollute the planet with so-called recyclables because we are too lazy to be parents. I KNOW children are willful and can be difficult. I watch Supernanny. I also notice she insists the adults taking the lead role, not just giving in because it's easier. If you want easier, get a fish. Oh, no, wait, that requires changing water every so often. Get a plant. There are convenient ways around having to water it all the time, so bothersome.

I know! Get a farkin' rock. I hear they don't talk back at all.

Oh... and by the way, I must point out these things are a complete and total ghastly rip-off at $3.50 a bottle, and FORTY dollars a case.