Are These Cool? Is It Me?

It was bad enough with those little plastic thingies with the tiny little piece of floss strung across them. I see those in the stores in packs of hundreds, and they make me despondent. I would see them tossed, discarded on the ground... so so gross. How is it OK to toss those? Of course, even in *real* garbage, they just end up out and about eventually. So needless. So unnecessary.

Apparently, those weren't enough, or stopped selling well enough, because G*U*M came out with a new one.

"For healthy gums and a great-looking smile, you’ve certainly come to the right place. GUM® Soft-Picks® are the convenient way to effectively dislodge food, remove plaque and massage gums." Whew! Good, I needed something convenient.

One-month supply?

It's important to get the crap out from between your teeth. We've all had the experience when something was STUCK-stuck between our teeth and drove us crazy til we could get it out. But, surely, this is not the answer. Not more plastic. These little things are even more insidious because they ARE so small and would be thought of as harmless, what could they possibly do? Think about it: if just half a million people can't live without this product - and that's a really low number, considering the populations of, say, Los Angeles alone - and they use 1 or two a day, not every day but even 4 days a week... OK, wow. My calculator on my phone blew up. Start over. if half a million people use even just 2 of these a week (unlikely to be that low), then that's 1 million little plastic sticks used. Multiply that by 52 weeks in a year, and just picture 52 million of these lined up end to end. Let's get even more mathematical... there are 63,360 inches in a mile (thank you, Google!). These are more than an inch long, I think, but for ease of calculation, we'll go with an inch. Divide 52 million by 63,360 and you get 820. Ugh, algebra. I think I did it right. To figure how many miles that would take is... yeah. OK. I do math good. I THINK, feel free to correct me, that this would be 820 miles. Taking my home state as example, it is only 300 or so miles from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia, all the way across the state. So, in one year, with an screamingly conservative estimate, you would cross the state over 2 and a half times. With plastic. And that ends up in the oceans, being ingested by innocent mammals and fish. Because we can't possibly use a less convenient way to get crap from between our teeth.

I had braces and MAN OH MAN do I know you need little stuff to get crap out from under them. It's almost hellish, stuff stuck under your braces. Whoo. I did use the little metal version of these. Wasn't great, but at least I know that tiny little blip of metal belongs on the Earth way more than this plastic.

Why, why why.

Just So Far Off the Mark...

Don't even ask me how I get on these mailing lists... because I sure as heck don't know.

In the world of Fabulous New Products in my inbox comes WineStraws. Now, mind you, I am ALL down for reusable straws. I find plastic straws to be one of the Great Scourges and Evils of the Modern Times. Just think about how many millions of straws get used a day. It's staggering. So, naturally, I am intrigued by this product. Glass straws are amazing and I am all over that shizz. Therefore... imagine my disappointment and dismay when I go to this particular website.

WineStraws. Drink Red, Smile White. Err... OK. Just another glass straw, but aimed at the red wine community who fears the all-embarrassing wine-stained teeth, right? Wrong!!! Yes it is aimed at the wine-drinking community almost exclusively, but it's not glass. Nope. For some reason, these wonderful things that are designed specifically to the perfect size to deliver the proper amount of wine to your discerning tongue is made from PLASTIC. Not glass, which is kind of natural with red wine, in my mind anyway, but plastic.

But it's OK!! It's recyclable! It's a high-quality BPA-free and EPA-approved plastic! Oh, and you know what else? It's OK if you don't want to reuse them 'cuz, you know why, 'cuz they're recyclable! They "look" and "feel" like glass, but thank goodness they are plastic, 'cuz you know how you get when you're drinking wine, can't be trusted with actual GLASS... even though you are drinking from a glass... so Heaven forbid you try to use a glass straw, too. That'd be like... wearing zebra stripes with a leopard-print. Unheard-of.

And as for the reusing, it's OK! If you are the type who just cannot stand the thought of having to actually WASH the darn thing and prefer a more convenient lifestyle, they say this: "WineStraws are safe to reuse, just rinse them with some warm water. If you prefer not to re-use your WineStraws just toss them into your recycling bin because they are 100% recyclable."

See? If you really cannot be bothered to rinse your straw with warm water, just toss it. Rinsing something with warm water is SUCH a hassle. I know I have better things to do with MY time. Rinsing. Snort. That's so hard and inconvenient. Rinsing.

How about NOT adding any more plastic into the environment for no good reason? And no, wanting to drink wine after you just bleached your teeth does not constitute a "good reason." Get a frickin' glass straw if you are so concerned. Or don't drink red wine. They make white stuff, too, you know.

These were invented by a 30-something mother of two boys who apparently cannot live without her red wine. Good idea, bad execution. She has KIDS, and she blithely irresponsibly and with no regard introduces more plastic into their future. "But it's OK! It's BPA-free and EPA-approved plastic!" You know what ELSE was EPA-approved in the recent past? BPA plastic.

WAKE UP. Plastic isn't safe, it never goes away, and we sure as hell do not need it to drink our red wine. I am all for wine (I'm drinking it now!) and I am ALL for white teeth (your hair would stand on end if I told you the Tale of my Teeth and the money involved...), but can we please Stop Doing It Wrong?

Ugh.