SO Last Century

Per Swiffer, broom and dustpan are SO last century. Yes, that is an ad I caught for them one day on TV. Broom and dustpan. Old technology. We've progressed beyond such old-fashioned things. Brooms. Mops. Snort. We can't possibly expect to get our hands near water or have to bend over or work in any way, shape, or form. Swiffer and its ilk are easy. Convenient. And the chemicals in the cleaner do the tough stuff for you.

You know what else is so last century?? Lower rates of obesity. Lower occurrence of childhood cancer. Less plastic in the ocean. Less trash in the landfills.

But by all means, let us choose the method of cleaning that keeps us lazy and fat, and puts chemicals in the environment, and plastic into the oceans. Get those newfangled wet-jet disposable things for every aspect of your cleaning regimen, and gleefully throw away cleaning pads that last for one small room before you need to get a new cleaning-product-soaked plastic-backed thing for the next room. Never mind that steam cleans great, no chemicals needed. Don't give it a second thought that sometimes a good "old-fashioned" hands-and-knees cleaning is just what was needed. Pay no attention to the fact that these things really do not clean all that well, and you find you get crap building up in corners that you have to hit on hands and knees anyway, and that your pets and children get that chemical assault right in their faces all day long after you "cleaned".

Don't worry about that. Convenience is key. You go ahead and be easy like Sunday Morning.

I like my steam clean and I don't mind the hands and knees method (works a LOT better) and I don't mind getting my hands wet or dirty. Heck, I use cleaning as core exercises. Ever throw your core into vacuuming? It's amazing. Beats paying for a gym membership any day. We used to be thinner when housework was not so easy and convenient.

Coincidence?

If it says "Starter Kit"...

Bill Maher, you're safe with your "New Rules." Not that you were concerned about little ole me. But we finally came up with a name for the Good Green Witch redes: Can't We Just Agree?

First of these that comes to mind is pretty much a true and binding FACT of life: If it says "starter kit" on the package, you WILL be throwing stuff away and buying new things to use and throw away. If it says "starter kit" on the package, it is the beginning of a cycle of waste and disposable STUFF. If it says "starter kit" on the package, you WILL be spending more and more money on it, for ever, ad naseum, in infinitum... whatever. Sounds Latin. I didn't take that language in high school.

First to mind is the ever-popular but incredibly ineffective and sucky Swiffer WetJet. I have one of these. Please don't judge; I did NOT buy it, and I refuse to use it. I even found this picture that has the NERVE to use my favorite witch of all time. I'm nauseous. That's completely gross. And, OK, OK, I HAVE used it. All the better to find out how poorly it actually works. The dusters are decent enough of a product, they really do pick up dust, but in reality, they are completely unnecessary. Yes, they are simply convenient. My favorite word. How many plastic handles to these things live in the world today? I do not want to know. Everything you see pictured here must be purchased and thrown away and re-purchased, and they are NOT inexpensive, as you probably know.

Now for the WetJet, which, again, I say works much less effectively than ANY other method I have EVER used to clean a floor, I would rather slide across the floor with fluffy socks on than use this again... where was I? Oh, yes, the WetJet... with its practically-a-diaper "cloths" - you know, plastic-lined and never-going-away pad-things... its non-refillable chemical-laden horrible cleaning fluid... yeah, don't refill it, just toss it and buy a whole new plastic bottle of the toxin. Sigh.

Here's a fun quote I found: Swiffer is a line of cleaning products by Procter and Gamble. The brand uses the popular razor-and-blades business model, whereby the consumer purchases the handle assembly at a low price and must continue to purchase replacement refills and pads over the life of the product.

Uh huh. What I said. Not cool. That's how we got here in the first place. Let's get away from it. Let's find a new place.

So, to sum up. Green Witch Rede #1: If it says starter kit, don't start.

Pretty simple. I can live with that. Hopefully, we all can.