What's the Protocol?

So there's this person, let's say... let's say it's, oh, me. Yeah. So I have my household. I have my beliefs. I have things I use and don't use. We sometimes have guests. Not often right now. Maybe more when we have a house back East. Right now it's mostly during football season that we have anyone over. The question comes up in my mind, do I have the right in my home to impose my beliefs on my guests?

I mean, sure, there are standard things you make sure are OK... if your guests are vegan, you aren't going to force them to eat meat. You make sure to provide filtered drinking water, not bottles. (That would be silly.) If you prefer cloth napkins, you make sure they have clean acceptable ones at hand.

But what about... Kleenex??? I think it's a good question. I do not keep any form of facial tissue, especially Kleenex brand, in our home. We use hankies. Therefore, I never buy them and never even think about buying them. But what about guests? What if they should need one? It happens. Is it completely rude if I don't have one to offer them? Do I say, "Go use toilet paper." Is it their responsibility to make sure THEY have one when they leave their home, if there is danger of their sneezing? What would they do if they were in a park or something, instead of my home? They would be SOL, right? Am I responsible for their nose? Or am I just responsible for my beliefs and practices, neither of which include Kleenex?

This would never have been an issue of tissue before, since dads all carried hankies and women kept a dainty hankie in her purse, until convenient purse packs for tissues came along.

This was just a quick welcome-to-my-brain. Had to get it out. I know, I think too much. Would that the vast majority of people had that problem, rather than too few. Thanks for being part of the few with me.

The Trouble with Balloons, AGAIN

We see them pretty much every day. We don't really even register them; they float in our periphery. If we do look at them, we think they are pretty. Fun. Festive. "Oh, I should get that one for so-and-so's next whatever-event," we think.

It's kinda funny, because so many articles have been written about them that I hesitated to write yet another. This is a subject I have covered before. But, as we still don't get it, as we still dwell in a lot of ignorance about this, I'll say it again. And again. And again until we finally get it: Balloons are Bad. Let us all repeat after me. Balloons are Bad.

This is one of the hardest messages to get across, for no good reason I can fathom. But, but, but balloons are FUN! Don't take away our FUN! What do you have against FUN?

Sigh.

Not likely. Oh, Irony. U funny. 

Yes, balloons are fun, yes, balloons are pretty. And that's where it ends. Balloons get let go, balloons pop, balloons are short-lived all around. Moments of happiness, and for what? The latex doesn't break down, and neither does Mylar. Balloons kill unsuspecting animals and sea life that eat them. Mylar knocks out power by getting caught in lines. (Look it up, happens ALL the time.) And is it time to talk about Helium? If you can't think around the pollution part of it, if that's not bad enough (it should be), if you (and when I say you I mean the people you talk to about this) need yet another reason to shun this "habit" - and that is all it is, we CAN live without them - then realize that Helium is an element. It sits there on the Periodic Table of the Elements, yes it does, right there in the inert column. Do you know what that means? It means it exists here and we do not make more. What is here is it. When it's gone, it's gone. No more. None. We don't have Helium manufacturing companies. Helium makers won't lose their jobs if we give up balloons. You know where they *need* Helium? MRI's. Yes. Helium is necessary for that basic medical procedure that is sometimes crucial to a diagnosis. Oh but nosiree Bob, I need pretty balloons at little Susie's party. Wait, not Susie anymore. Little Zoey. Zoey will be scarred for life if she doesn't have pretty balloons at her 6th birthday party. She might cry and demand them and I have to say yes to her because otherwise she'll throw a tantrum. And when Zoey's best friend's mom had a party, she had HUNDREDS of balloons. I can't be outdone. And if I don't put balloons on the mailbox, how ever will people know which house? What if no one shows up because I didn't put balloons on the mailbox? I'll be ostracized from popular parents because I am no fun. I'll be known as That Mom Who Didn't Have Balloons. Oh, the horror.

Meanwhile Zoey gets very ill at age 11. But sorry, we depleted the Helium, because when Zoey was 6, you had all those balloons. It was so worth it at the time, wasn't it? You just couldn't NOT have them there. We'd love to help her, but we just don't have the Helium to run this test that would save her life. Sorry.

Scoff now, go ahead, we can say we told you so later. When WE get denied those tests too, because YOU couldn't give up your balloons.

Seems a little silly and selfish when ya think on it like that, dunnit? No? Just me?

Please help me pass the word around. Sure, sure, people look at you like you're crazy and laugh at you behind your back. It's OK, you get used to it. And you get the last laugh. You know, when we're all crying.

Simply Potatoes. Oh, and Chemicals.

"Stop peeling, dicing, and boiling. Start enjoying."

"We here at Michael Foods know you are FAR too busy with every little thing to be bothered to actually COOK anything, you know, because it's so important for you to have a family and children and don't have the time or desire to actually do things the right and healthy way, so here: be convenient. We'll help. Don't pay attention to the additives and crap we have to put in it to make them stay white and fluffy and whatever, because we're really just potatoes. Simply Potatoes. In plastic. We say the little trays and the cardboard are recyclable, but they aren't, really. Because the cardboard has crap on it and the tray is a #7 that doesn't have an audience yet to call to be recycled. But it's OK. You're busy. Shh shh shh... don't think about the fact that our products have an expiration date, and that there is no way all of them will ever get sold all by that date, because we make enough so that no one ever runs out, and then all those packages of Simply Potatoes are now Simply Garbage. In plastic. It's OK. We know you don't have time to cook REAL potatoes. You know, those thing that really ARE simply potatoes? Potatoes? And potatoes that go bad can be tossed in the compost. Oh... that's right, we forgot, you don't have time to compost either. It's OK! Just buy another bag of our product! Because with all that time you are saving by not actually cooking real potatoes, you can... you can... well you won't be composting, ha ha ha! Oh, chuckle. You can spend more time in front of your computer ignoring your kids, who are in front of their computers! Or, oh hey, shopping for more stuff you don't need to try to make yourself happy because you are soooo empty inside! There ya go! Ain't progress grand? We love it. We love your microwave, and, shucks, we love YOU, because we know you are hooked on the ease of our products, and our shareholders are so happy. They love you, too. Keep on keepin' on, you!"

Do I blame Simply Potatoes, Crystal Farms, A Michael Foods Company? Of course not. I blame us. Someday, maybe we'll open our eyes.

Maybe.