They Make Banana Slicers.

I'm not kidding. I almost feel like I don't need to say anymore.

But you know me. I shall say more.

A simple Google search on banana slicers, which I did not know existed until a good friend pointed them out to me, yielded not just one but many different types and styles to choose from. Because, you know, your hand and a BUTTER KNIFE just won't do. I have cut a banana into cereal WITH A SPOON so I didn't have to dirty another utensil, for frick's sake. WHO BUYS THESE THINGS??? I can't even imagine.

If you are spending otherwise perfectly good money on a plastic product like this, you need to be removed from the gene pool. Now. You need to stop using air. You need to not use otherwise perfectly good water that the rest of us need, for you to wash this thing. I suppose you wash out something that you only used to measure out water, too. You have your kids use paper or plastic or Styrofoam plates for dinner some days because you don't want them messing up other real plates. I'm just guessing, here. By all means, let me know if I'm wrong. You use lots and lots of single-use plastic bottled water - at home - which is the last place anyone needs it. You leave the water running while you do dishes and brush your teeth. You use a Kleenex to wipe your nose just once then throw it away even though there is plenty more Kleenex to use. You flush bugs. You think those disposable hand towels might be pretty nifty, because life is germy.

Actually, I'm not really sure what you are really like, if you are the kind of person who buys this sort of useless plastic crap thing. I think I'm pretty sure I don't really need to know you.

Please, just don't have kids.

What's the Protocol?

So there's this person, let's say... let's say it's, oh, me. Yeah. So I have my household. I have my beliefs. I have things I use and don't use. We sometimes have guests. Not often right now. Maybe more when we have a house back East. Right now it's mostly during football season that we have anyone over. The question comes up in my mind, do I have the right in my home to impose my beliefs on my guests?

I mean, sure, there are standard things you make sure are OK... if your guests are vegan, you aren't going to force them to eat meat. You make sure to provide filtered drinking water, not bottles. (That would be silly.) If you prefer cloth napkins, you make sure they have clean acceptable ones at hand.

But what about... Kleenex??? I think it's a good question. I do not keep any form of facial tissue, especially Kleenex brand, in our home. We use hankies. Therefore, I never buy them and never even think about buying them. But what about guests? What if they should need one? It happens. Is it completely rude if I don't have one to offer them? Do I say, "Go use toilet paper." Is it their responsibility to make sure THEY have one when they leave their home, if there is danger of their sneezing? What would they do if they were in a park or something, instead of my home? They would be SOL, right? Am I responsible for their nose? Or am I just responsible for my beliefs and practices, neither of which include Kleenex?

This would never have been an issue of tissue before, since dads all carried hankies and women kept a dainty hankie in her purse, until convenient purse packs for tissues came along.

This was just a quick welcome-to-my-brain. Had to get it out. I know, I think too much. Would that the vast majority of people had that problem, rather than too few. Thanks for being part of the few with me.

Sophistication in Snot

It's Kleenex-bashing time again. They just make it so easy.

Kleenex has a new-ish product... it may not be VERY new, I tend to skip that aisle completely in the store, so it could have been around for awhile, but only lately have I seen a friend of mine using it. Kleenex Expressions... Yes, just their facial tissues but it a spiffy new box. Oval. Oooooo. So what's the big deal? Their description: "The oval box shape adds a little extra sophistication, and the prints and colors are inspired by trends around the world." OK. Big deal. So what? Well, see that little ring around the top of the sophisticated oval box? It's a ring of plastic. To add rigidity. Or something. There is not a similar ring around the bottom; the paper is folded in such a way to make it strong enough. But around the top, the designers at Kimberly-Clark decided there needed to be a ring of plastic. You can't re-use or refill these boxes; they are perfectly throw-away-able. One use. 'Cuz they're preeetty. There is absolutely no purpose for this piece of plastic put into the world except for people to have pretty pretty snot-rags in their home. 

It's no secret I think Kleenex products are pointless and avoidable, and that Kimberly-Clark is pretty much inherently evil, but really to buy these in particular is the pinnacle of silliness. It just goes to show that we don't pay attention at all. That it still doesn't register with people to avoid plastic. This is not getting recycled. It's just ending up in the oceans. And for what? For what??? It serves next to no purpose AT ALL. 

Our facial tissues are sophisticated. Great. 

I give up.

That's all they got?

Paper towels. We have become way too dependant on them, and really for no good reason. (Convenience???) We have not bought any for our household in months. In fact, I can't remember the last time we bought a roll. We use Skoy Cloths (http://www.skoycloth.com/) for wiping around the bathroom and kitchen, cloth napkins, and old socks or t-shirts for bigger jobs. For those messes we really do not want to touch, we have a seemingly endless supply of paper napkins that have come to us through take-out. (We tell them not to send them or include them, but apparently it's just too automatic on their part. We use them sparingly, so we have plenty on hand when the cat has a small mess.)

Back in my paper-towel-using days, before I knew better, I used to love Viva Paper Towels, by none other than our friends at Kleenex, from Kimberly Clark. So soft, so absorbent... a little pricey, but when I felt extravagent I would treat myself to them. So, I really had to laugh when I saw their ad in the coupon section this weekend. They fly the line, "We made the packaging more attractive." (You know, the part you immediately throw away?) Then they say, "Then we made it easier to take off." (You know, because you immediately throw it away.) Yes, their new advertising, their claim to fame, their raison d'etre is that you can get into the package quickly and easily. THIS is why you MUST buy THESE paper towels. This is all they got? Really? This is the best reason they can come up with to get you to buy these? I'm thinkin' that's pretty thin logic.

Here are some reasons to NOT buy ANY paper towels:

"[Paper toweles result] in 254 million tons of trash every year. Once used, paper towels cannot be recycled. As many as 51,000 trees per day are required to replace the number of paper towels that are discarded every day.


"Other facts you need to know about paper towels include:

• 40% of U.S. landfill trash is paper products.
• The paper industry is the third largest contributor to [climate change].
• The average American discards of 700 pounds or more of paper each year.
• If every household in the U.S. used just one less 70-sheet roll of virgin fiber paper towels, that would save 544,000 trees each year. Change that to using three less rolls per U.S. household per year, and that would save 120,000 tons of waste and $4.1 million in landfill dumping fees.
• Your typical paper towel is manufactured using chlorine, which releases carcinogenic dioxins and furans."

(source: http://1800recycling.com/2009/10/going-paper-towel-less/)
 
Viva paper towels are surely from virgin fiber. And if the best they can do is make the throw-away part prettier and better (distraction), I'm thinkin' we can skip these altogether. I'm not saying you need to cut all paper towels out of your life completely (though you could try), but it'd be a great step if everyone could cut back a few rolls. 3 less rolls a year? Surely that's doable. We've just become way too accustomed to automatically reaching for the roll. There are so many other reusable things to use. Money is saved. This is a good green fix, and a pretty easy one at that... why not go for it?
 
Oh - and pass on the knowledge! 

What's Next? Disposable Bath Towels?

I'm fairly jaded. I have been a cynic since... oh... roughly age 11. But this product made even my jaw drop.

My mom pointed it out to me, and from reports around the country, when people first saw the commercial, they thought of me and my certain outrage. I'm so touched! Being TV-less this week, I visited the site: http://www.kleenex.com/HandTowels/home.aspx We are greeted by this statement: "Introducing new Kleenex (r) Hand Towels. Your hands are only as clean as the towel used to dry them."

Now... I'm trying to picture the ad pitch meeting for this. When they said that last sentence, did they think it was particularly pithy and touching and caring, or were they barely stifling laughter as they said, "Can you believe they're gonna fall for this one!!!?"

I looked over the site. I listened to the hand-drying song that some ad-man created to further sell the fear of our own laundry. I actually was moved to tears... by the insanity of it. I couldn't even blog on it right away because it was just too much. I didn't know where to begin! It's too inane! It's much too much to think they want us to think OUR OWN TOWELS are bad for us! It's like a sick joke! But there it is. I couldn't sit back and watch Kimberly-Clarke reap the benefits of more clear-cutting on our fear of germs in our own homes. There are a few mentions of CDC (Center for Disease Control) guidelines on the site, you know, to make it all official and really truly scary. If the CDC says it, it must be true, right? Aha... my hook. I went to the CDC's site and diligently searched for their dire recommendations about our unsafe hand towels. Would the CDC really have something to say about the dangerous terry-cloth hanging oh-so-innocently in our bathrooms? I mean, sure. You WASH your hands, with soap and all, but that towel!!! Kleenex says right there on the site: " Regular washing of cloth hand towels does not ensure cleanliness." ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? So, back to the CDC. I found hand-drying guidelines for cruise ships (OK, those are basically floating Petri dishes, I'll grant them that one) and medical/dental facilities. Again, granted. I could find nothing that suggested the CDC is alarmed by our evil hand towels in our homes. So, I contacted them. I figure they should be made aware that Kimberly-Clarke is taking liberties with their guidelines, which, really, should be taken seriously and not used for scare tactics in the name of profit.

After all, does KC make this product because they are worried about us? No. They make it because they can profit off our fears. If they can stoke the fire of our germophobia with so-called CDC regulations, then all the better, I suppose.

I contacted the CDC. Within 24 hours, they responded that they were unaware of any such recommendations for home hand-drying, but would escalate my inquiry. (This is where I am impressed that they would take one small question so seriously!) I made no mention of the product or company, initially. The next day, I receive a PHONE CALL FROM the CDC! They actually called ME to discuss this further! (This is where I am beyond impressed!) A very nice doctor asked about the product in question. I told her what it was and gave her the site. She went to it. I could hear the skepticism in her "Hmmmmm..." tinged with faint amusement. I directed her to the pages that loosely quote CDC guidelines. They use them in such a broad term as to think they might have gotten away with it. I explained to her that I felt Kleenex's use of the guidelines was alarmist and misleading. She was definitely landing on my side with this one. She assured me that she was unaware of any recommendations the CDC would make about HOME towels, but that the CDC is a big place, and she would make sure this was brought to the attention of the proper people to see if there are nefarious doings afoot here. (OK, those are my words, not hers, but that's the gist.) I trust her to do so. After all, she called me.

I do not know if I will hear back about what happens. I figure, at the very least, perhaps Kimberly-Clarke will have to shell out a few bucks to change their campaign and site. I'm OK with hitting them in their wallets. Better, to have them publicly state they misused the guidelines. Best case: product gets halted completely, cease-and-desist, never made again. (I can hope.) All I know is, I tried. I already do not use Kleenex Facial Tissue, because hankies work great and I am not afraid of them and I do not want to kill trees or fill landfills when my allergies hit. Oh - I did send an e-mail to Kimberly-Clarke as well, explaining what I was doing with the CDC... but I have yet to hear back from them. Yeah. I called in the big guns. I'm just little me, but let's see them argue with the CDC. They can't exactly throw money at them to make them go away... I don't think so anyway...

I do fear that if we let them get away with this product and sell public fear to this degree, single-use bath towels are not far behind. We don't need to be afraid of our own laundry. Let's not get that carried away. Please?

Keep 350 Day Going

Saturday, October 24th, was 350 Day. Not quite sure what that means? Lemme 'esplain. Scientists say that 350 parts per million CO2 in the atmosphere is the safe limit for humanity, according to http://www.350.org/. We currently stand at 387. Boo. Not good. The 24th was an international day of action, to get the awareness out there to the whole world.

Sooo.... it's over. OK. Now what? Now, we work on things to actually achieve getting that number down. What can you do? I'll try to help as much as possible on that with future posts! We'll just do a quick one for now. Consider it your first assignment! I promise I'll be easy on ya. I swear it. It's my philosophy that green is actually pretty easy! So here goes....

Stop buying tissues. Go cold turkey on Kleenex. Just stop. Hankies were good enough for our grandparents, so they're good enough for us! I tend to favor the brightest loudest most colorful bandanas, personally. But there are the cute frilly lacy ones... there are the monogrammed ones... there are the plain whities! Choose your weapon! You can use organic cotton to be even better. You can make your own to be super-green and crafty. You can give them as great green gifts.

There are multiple benefits to this simple action. You save money, because you aren't buying boxes of facial tissue anymore, and because these last forever. Well, they last a really long time, anyway. And the more you wash them the softer they become. Yay! You save trees. That's good all around. You save water. I know you might think you are using MORE water because you have a little extra laundry, but that's not the case. It takes a lot more water to produce the boxes and boxes of tissues than it does for you to wash a tiny little bit of fabric. After all, you were doing laundry anyway. These fit. It's not like you are doing a special load of just hankies.

That's it! And if you can't do cold-turkey, that's OK. I still grab a few pieces of TP to blow into on rare occasion. But really work at it. And lead by example. Be the change. I can't say that enough! And with this simple start, YOU can help get that magic number 350 back to reality. YOU can help.