Tuck In. Breathe In. Drift Off. Die Early.

"Soothing lavender scent for air and fabric." Because choking your skin and lungs with chemicals doesn't need to come in just one product, you gotta spread it around. Procter & Gamble has an entire line of products dedicated to an awesome night's sleep for you.

According to what they show in an ad, you start with Tide + Downy Sweet Escapes in Sweet Escapes scent, use Ultra Downy Infusions in Sweet Dreams scent, add Unstopables In-Wash Scent-Booster in Dreams scent, then make sure you toss Bounce dryer sheets in the dryer in Sweet Dreams scent. These are all conveniently packaged in a purple theme so you know they are all scented lavender.

Oh - and also spray Febreze Sleep Serenity Bedroom Mist before you get into bed.

Let's try to forget about the horrendous amount of plastic this group represents. Let's think about all these chemicals in which you are sleeping. Up against your skin. For like 8 hours. Absorbing into your system. Your children's systems. Your children who someday might have kids. Let's stop and think about all the chemicals sitting in everyone's system all the time now, and how many children are affected these days. How many have issues and sicknesses and cancer. Let's make a connection for once.

You know what else smells like lavender? Actual lavender. Made by Nature. Therefore natural. A little tiny glass bottle of actual lavender essential oil would not cost you as much as all this crap and would last longer anyway. When did we start getting suckered into all this stuff? Natural lavender has one thing in it: lavender. Below is a parting gift is one-third of a list of potential ingredients to make the stuff above smell like lavender. Enjoy:

(-)-(R)-.α.-Phellandrene
(-)-.α.-Fenchol
(-)-Guaiol
(+)-Tartaric acid
(+/-)-Pulegone
(1,7,7-Trimethylbicyclo[2.2.1]hept-2-yl)cyclohexan-1-ol
(1-Ethoxyethoxy)-cyclododecane
(2-Butoxyethyl)benzene
(2E,6Z)-Nona-2,6-dien-1-ol
(2E,6Z)-Nona-2,6-dienyl acetate
(3a.α.,4.α.,6.α.,7.α.,7a.α.)-3a,4,5,6,7,7a-Hexahydro-3-methyl-5-
methylene-4,7-methano-1H-inden-6-yl acetate
(4-Methylphenoxy)acetaldehyde
(4-tert-Butylphenyl)acetonitrile
(E)-.β.-Ionone
(E)-1-(2,4,4-Trimethyl-2-cyclohexen-1-yl)-2-buten-1-one
(E)-1-Ethoxy-3,7-dimethylocta-2,6-diene
(E)-2-Phenylpropenyl acetate
(E)-3,4,5,6,6-Pentamethylhept-3-en-2-one
(E)-3,7-Dimethylocta-2,6-diene-1-thiol
(E)-4-Decenal
(E)-6,10-Dimethylundeca-5,9-dien-2-yl acetate
(E)-Hex-3-enyl acetate
(E)-Non-2-enal
(E)-Oct-2-enal
(E)-Oct-5-en-2-one
(tri-)Acetin
(Z)1-Ethoxy-3,7-dimethylocta-2,6-diene
(Z)-2-Penten-1-ol
(Z)-2-Phenylpropenyl acetate
(Z)-3,4,5,6,6-Pentamethylhept-3-en-2-one
(Z)-6,10-Dimethylundeca-5,9-dien-2-yl acetate
(Z)-Hex-3-enyl 2-methylbutyrate
(Z)-Octadec-9-enol
.beta.-Caryophyllene alcohol
.Eta.-1H-Indol-1-yl-.α.,.α.,.ε.-trimethyl-1H-indole-1-heptanol
.α.,.α.,6,6-Tetramethylbicyclo[3.1.1]hept-2-ene-2-
propionaldehyde
.α.-Bisabolol
.α.-Methylcyclohexylmethyl acetate