Let me tell you why. It's because I am a fake. I am misrepresenting myself. See, here I am, decrying the use of plastic, looking down on people who keep useless plastic in their lives, and yet I have to stand in front of the mirror every day and realize that I AM plastic.
Some years ago, before I became the person I am now, and when I was in a relationship with someone that I could have (should have) know better about, I went and did something terrible to myself. I got plastic surgery. Yes, I walk around with plastic bags of saline in my chest. To the credit of my wonderful doctor, they are actually extremely natural-looking. No one would guess. Of course, that's because I've plumped up to a weight where they could be the right size, thanks to my PRESENT and wonderful relationship (he's a great cook and we love life, and we eat!), so no one really thinks to question me the way they used to when I was a wisp of a size 0-2. ("Are those real?" What a dumb question.) So, yeah, they got me some great tips while bartending. In fact, I passed up a great opportunity in my professional life because Me 'n' the Girls made such a great living for my then-husband. But that's another story liberally sprinkled with loathing and regret. Now... now... every minute of every day, every time I look down or look in the mirror or go to sleep and re-adjust to get comfortable, I am aware that I am not natural. I am the antithesis of natural. And I did it to myself. And fixing the situation is twice the cost of getting myself into it. (Irony. Or, a really good lesson.) And I don't have that right now. I have to wait. The guy is gone from my life, and I am a different person than I was then, and I like me whole lot better now, but the person from back then still lives here in me too and I can't do anything about it.
So, who am I really to preach? Someone who has learned a lesson the dumb way? The hard way? The idiot way? Someone who has been there and speaks from experience? I'm just me, really. And I'm not asking for sympathy. I can only talk about the way I see things now. I'm just...
Well, I guess you could say I'm just getting it off my chest.
Yeah. Couldn't resist.
Oh honey, you are SO not a fraud. You are a strong, beautiful (inside and out), capable and amazing woman who has learned a very difficult lesson in self-love.. so many of us have had to do that in various ways.. the processes may be different, but the results are the same.
ReplyDeleteYou sharing this may just help someone else, or perhaps many someone elses.. love you for who you are and who you were and who you will become. If your best friend were to share this story with you, would you call her a fraud? would you beat her up verbally? Or, would you give her loving support? Be your own best friend. You can love the environment and be concerned and do what you can to educate others and use your lesson to help the rest of us. Be proud of yourself. No matter what! I know I am very honored to have you as one of my cyber-friends :)
HUGS!
Kallan is absolutely right! It's what you do now, that matters. Besides - think of all the plastic and paper waste that's generated from one surgery. Needles, tubing, instruments - each neatly packaged in plastic and paper to keep them sterile. Masks, gloves, gowns. All waste. So actually- you would be doing your part to continue your mission if you kept the "girls" just the way they are! :-) Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteTo be blunt, the cause you champion is our environment.....and last I checked, your "girls" aren't polluting our groundwater, filling landfills, poisoning animals, destroying our ozone layer, clogging our air, or reducing natural resources at a rate faster than replenishment.
ReplyDeleteTo say that having fake boobs makes you a fraud, would be like saying I cannot like any other cars except for DeLoreans. (Ok, weak analogy...but it's all I got right now)
:-) And stop being down on yourself because my Packers whooped your Steelers like some rented mules!
Hey-oh!
Thank you so much!!! Hugs back! (Yes, even you, fanboy.)
ReplyDelete