Trader Noe's

All environmentalists shop at Trader Joe's, and Trader Joe's is the best place for all crunchy granola-eating sandal & socks-wearing tree-huggers to shop.

Uh...

Thank you, but I'll go to another store today!

I used to LOVE Trader Joe's, before I knew better. I'd still go there if my only other choice was Whole Foods, but it would be a push. They really do have good food, they really do... and I love their alcohol prices. A lot of their prices are really quite nice and some of the products aren't terrible, but they import a hell of a lotta crap from other countries, and that's not very green. But that's not what finally got me.

What finally pushed me over the edge was a very delicious salad I had for lunch one day. It was full of extremely delightful ingredients, and it was perhaps the most perfect salad I have had in weeks. So what was wrong with it? Besides the fact that it, like so many other food items there, came packaged in a single-serving plastic container? Right there in the package, IN the package, was a completely unnecessary plastic fork. WHY??? (BTW, someone had purchased it for me. I would have passed if I had seen it in the store personally. But, damn, it was delicious.)

For some time now, I have been frustrated by TJ's packaging. Brown rice? Sure! Get in in our frozen package, single serving, all neat in plastic! So convenient! There's no need to MAKE brown rice, it's sooooo hard to make it yourself! Pasta lunch, single serving? Sure, right here in our plastic container! (Oh, and a fork, because it'll be there whether you need it or not. Oh, and you should NEVER need it. Right?) Lasagna! Ravioli!! Stuffed peppers!!! So many things so conveniently packaged so you, the one who has NO time to plan a lunch and why should you need to what with TJ's making everything so easy, YOU don't have to think EVER.

OK, yeah, whatever. We live on the go, and Trader Joe's is simply providing what our busybusybusy lives demand. But really? A fork? Can't you AT LEAST give me the option of NOT needing it? Must you make it so easy to contribute to the plastic vortices in the oceans? Can't you give me the chance to say, "No, thank you so very much, you are too kind, but I will use my OWN actual real fork today."

Mr. Trader Joe, why can't you be the store we'd like you to be? Why can't you reject this kind of mindless consumerism and take the higher road? Why do you cave to those who mindlessly pollute because they can't be bothered to plan ahead for once in their pathetic lives, and why must you drag the rest of us down with them? Your fun signs and colorful shiny happy people don't fool me anymore. You don't care. I thought you did, but you're just like the rest of them. You lied. I deserve better. But I know. I can't change you. You've tasted success at the hands of the lazy, and you don't think you need me anymore.

I'll shop elsewhere, thank you. Have a nice day. I wish you well. Oh, wait, who's this? Well, hello, Henry.... Joe Who?